Adult Milestone: This waiter is trying to screw me!

Last night, I got to experience the adult experience of buying my parents a round of drinks. I had just gotten paid and wanted to purchase a round to show my appreciation and adultliness. So I did, and holy shit, was it ever an expensive show of adultliness but for three drinks, all doubles, it wasn't too bad (41.95).

I paid the bill and we left.

So here's the back story of our waiter: Carlos. I thought his service was decent, considering that he was dealing with a bunch of drunks (one of whom hasn't gotten hip to the "politically correct" jive), but there were some interesting blips on the radar.

-The woman paying the bill ordered a $59 bottle of wine. Good thing she checked it the label before they uncorked it: Carlos had brought a $259 bottle.
-My mother and I elected to split a twice baked potato (cost: $6.95), they brought us a plate of mashed potatoes (cost: $4.95), but charged us for the twice baked.
-I ordered a double rum and diet and was brought a "double double". (Keep this in mind, as it may factor into the story later.)

So I go online this morning, to check my account balances, and that fucker charged me twice! Once for 45 dollars (the drinks) and another time for ninety-six dollars. I couldn't believe it, personally. So I called the restaurant, and a lovely manager tried to explain to me how a checking account works.

So I explained to him that he'll cancel the transaction or hand me the cost of my drinks/extra charge in cash. (And there may have been some profanity involved.)

But really, I find this to be symptom of my age. No one, and I mean no one, seems to think my money is worth anything. Better yet, they treat me like my money is just for playing around with, and that someone (I assume the mythical Daddy-with-the-credit-cards) will bail me out. I go into stores and they won't offer to help me. But when I buy something, they try and sell me on a credit card that I don't need or want, and certainly can't afford.

Same way with hotels. Do you have any idea how troublesome it is for me to put something on a room tab? You can see the fear in the bartender's eyes: "uhoh, am I going to get in trouble for charging it to the room? Will her parents be mad?" Yea, they might be...but they're not here.

When will my money matter?

Photo credit: NateandTiff.com

So you're entering into a long distance relationship...Now let me harass you about it.

As I'm sure I stated before, this coming year will mark something very new for my love life: a long distance relationship. And, as is typical in the university setting, everyone has something to say about it. Which is funny...because it shouldn't be any of their business. Or even a matter of concern, really.

My manfriend is moving down south to pursue higher higher education and I'm staying in the upper midwest to finish out my bachelor's degree. Best case scenario, we'll be separated for about 9 months and I'll find a job in his neck of the woods. Wost case scenario, we'll be separated for 3 years, if I can't find a job down there. (Actually, no, worst case scenario: he'll dump me for a Brazilian supermodel. But we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.)

But if you're also going through this situation, you can brace yourself for some of the following pseudo-concerned inquiries:

What are you going to do when s/he's gone?
Well, the same things I've always done: get up, go to class, do my homework and work my dead-end job. Then, I'll probably make my lunch for the next day, go to sleep and get up to do it all over again. I'll still obsess over my weight and grades, but I'll more than likely be eating less take-out.

Are you going to miss him?
Sure. I might just miss the free ride to Meijer more.

Won't you be lonely?
Well, I do, in fact, have friends. It might be hard to believe, I know. But I have friends, and I will survive. I will still drink excessively. I will still dance around my apartment to shitty club music. And I will still have an extensive porch party schedule. Life will go on.

What if he cheats on you?
The same thing that would have happen if he had cheated on me for the first 3 years and change of our relationship. I. will. end. him. Which he knows, and I'm sure he finds completely reassuring.

Do you think you're going to "make it"?
EdNote: This, in my humblest of opinions, is the stupidest question ever. Because if I didn't like our chances, I would have dumped his ass awhile ago.
Uh, sure, whatever.

Even better than the douchelords who try to cast doubt on your impending relationsituation are the people who think that you're comrades-at-arms. These people typically picked up their "significant others" at some point between first and second semester of senior year (of college, not high school) and now view themselves as the gurus of long distance love.

(And don't even try to tell me that you don't know this couple. This is the couple that declared their love for one another in an excessively public manner way. too. fucking. soon. And then spent the next three months offering "advice" to couples who have been together since before they drunkenly hooked up.)

Here's a sample conversation you can expect to encounter:

Bimbo: So do you and your boyf have a plan?
Me: Pardon?
Bimbo: Because well, me and Bimbette have our relationship sustainability plan all figured out. We're going to communicate via text message three times daily, with a nightly phone call and a twice weekly skype sex sesh, then, we've agreed to visit each other - on an alternating schedule - once every three weekends and I'm already looking for jobs where she lives and she signed the lease on an apartment big enough for both of us and our three pet orchids.
Me: Well then. I need a drink.

It's a brave new world, kidderoonies!
Good thing I have a readerless blog to entertain.

Adult Milestone: Going to a wedding.

There are certain things that define being an adult: going to a wedding where you can make the best of the open bar is one of them. This is also a milestone because it will be the first time my boyfriend of more than three years is meeting (dunh dunh dunh) my father's side of the family. Why it has taken this long is a mystery to me, but it is going to happen this weekend and it feels like a big. fucking. deal.

Bring on the interrogation, skepticism and general tomfoolery!
You will respect my adult relationship, damnit!

Actually, that's probably not true at all: we will get interrogated, they will question us about our sex life, offer unsolicited advice and (more than likely) some level of criticism. But if all goes well, he won't dump me, and we'll both be invited back.

But on to the fun stuff!It's a summer wedding, and its expected to be hot-as-balls. At the same time, it could be cold inside where its air conditioned. So this here is a relative approximation of what I'll be wearing this weekend. To go underneath it, I have a very supportive strapless bra.

Should be a very interesting weekend.