"Nobody puts Baby in a corner" or: How to Pick a Fight and Win.

I am a fighter and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I have a short fuse and a temper to be reckoned with. When I was younger, this temper would run unchecked and I would pick fights with a force of self-righteous anger that would thrill even the iciest of ice queens.

My friends, I was a bitch.
Like, a huge bitch.

When I came to college, I discovered that, no matter how articulate I was (or how loud I got), people had a hard time seeing my way -- especially the menfolk in a university setting. It seems, my friends, that women who yell, who argue, who get angry are insane members of the army against the patriarchy. We're cute in our efforts to fight for what we deem right. We're something to be patronized and condescended to.

In short, we're never going to win.

So when I came to college and discovered this unfortunate condition of life as a woman, I lost my fight for a little while. By learning to keep my mouth shut, I let things go. It was a simple life. I got called "sweetheart" a lot. My tits got a lot of compliments. My course of study was questioned a lot. But at least I wasn't wasting a lot of energy fighting, right? Riiiight.

In the past year, however, things have changed. I'm becoming a grown-up with my very own grown-up responsibilities and sometimes, I need to fight to get what I deserve. In order to avoid the pitfalls of being a feisty woman, I've developed a set of rules entitled "When to fight and how to do it" which I will share with you.

Keep on fighting, friends.

1. Choose your battles wisely.
This age-old adage from your mother/grandmother/whoever is wiser than we may have ever thought. For example...(and these are all actual examples from my actual, if anonymous, life) I don't go to Human Resources every time somebody calls me "sweetheart" "honey" or "baby". I don't go to my manager every time I feel slightly molested by a compliment or a passing touch. (Don't tell the harder core feminists I said that, they'll be all over me in two seconds flat.) There are a number of reasons for this:

1. I like some of the people calling me "hon". Actually, one manager admitted to me that, in our work place with more than 300 student employees, he calls all the females "hon" and all the males "buddy". Since this admission, I have thought twice before getting pissed. (This manager also knows my name now, so it's all good in the hood, so to speak.)
2. Sometimes, the battle isn't worth the effort. I have had employees (yes, I have employees) who have enjoyed trying to get under my skin. Think: comments along the lines of "Hey Sugartits!". In the past, I would have flown off the handle...told them to fuck off or gone to a supervisor. Now, I realize that sometimes, (feel free to call me a bad feminist) it's better to just keep my mouth shut. The ones who I truly hate, I ignore entirely. The lack of response generally solves the problem. As for the ones who use these lines out of social awkwardness and actual attraction (and they're usually much, much, younger than me) I usually flirt back...excessively. And I know, it's mean...it's kind of cruel. But actually, some of my best work friendships have started from attractions gone awry. End point: sometimes, it's better to lay low and see what happens. Before calling in reinforcements.
3. At the end of the day, think about your own reputation. It's on par with the little boy who cried wolf. Wait until it's bad enough to change the way you see you're environment. Petty squabbles do not warrant a full-on bitch slap. If you abuse your fighting powers, you might be regarded as "shrill", or worse yet, "whiny." Keep in mind: The squeaky wheel gets the grease, but only when that wheel has a penis.
   

2. Work from the bottom up.
We live in a "go to the top" world. We know who the bosses are and we want them to gallop in on their white horses to rescue us from the things that piss us off. Resist the urge to bring in the big guns. Try working from the bottom up. For example (again, actual example), I'm currently involved in a long-term dispute with AT&T. (Trust me, this was not a battle of my choosing.) Though it might be quicker (and more explosive) to demand to speak with a supervisor, I have learned to trust working with regular old call center personnel. They might not be able to help me in three minutes or less, but if you are patient, they might just come through for you. Which all factors into my next tip.
(Also, in terms of work place disputes, I've found that outright telling the perpetrator that they're offending me works remarkably well.)

3. Be polite.
I don't like to say this to people, especially women, but a little politeness goes a long, long way. When I'm on the phone with AT&T (read: all the fucking time), I've started using phrases like "I know you're not the person who caused this issue, but it needs to be resolved immediately" and "I don't want you to step beyond your jurisdiction, so please reroute me to the next level so that this issue can be resolved as soon as possible." Stress the immediacy of your situation without blaming the person on the phone/email box/directly in front of you.

4. Don't be afraid to get angry.
The are times when you just need to let loose and be the biggest bitch that you can be. I find it helpful to define my deal-breakers.

• My money.
• My sexuality.
• My private life. (This includes: my relationship, my intelligence, and my personal decisions.)

What are your deal breakers?

Good luck, friends!
Win your personal fights!