As I'm sure I stated before, this coming year will mark something very new for my love life: a long distance relationship. And, as is typical in the university setting, everyone has something to say about it. Which is funny...because it shouldn't be any of their business. Or even a matter of concern, really.
My manfriend is moving down south to pursue higher higher education and I'm staying in the upper midwest to finish out my bachelor's degree. Best case scenario, we'll be separated for about 9 months and I'll find a job in his neck of the woods. Wost case scenario, we'll be separated for 3 years, if I can't find a job down there. (Actually, no, worst case scenario: he'll dump me for a Brazilian supermodel. But we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.)
But if you're also going through this situation, you can brace yourself for some of the following pseudo-concerned inquiries:
What are you going to do when s/he's gone?
Well, the same things I've always done: get up, go to class, do my homework and work my dead-end job. Then, I'll probably make my lunch for the next day, go to sleep and get up to do it all over again. I'll still obsess over my weight and grades, but I'll more than likely be eating less take-out.
Are you going to miss him?
Sure. I might just miss the free ride to Meijer more.
Won't you be lonely?
Well, I do, in fact, have friends. It might be hard to believe, I know. But I have friends, and I will survive. I will still drink excessively. I will still dance around my apartment to shitty club music. And I will still have an extensive porch party schedule. Life will go on.
What if he cheats on you?
The same thing that would have happen if he had cheated on me for the first 3 years and change of our relationship. I. will. end. him. Which he knows, and I'm sure he finds completely reassuring.
Do you think you're going to "make it"?
EdNote: This, in my humblest of opinions, is the stupidest question ever. Because if I didn't like our chances, I would have dumped his ass awhile ago.
Uh, sure, whatever.
Even better than the douchelords who try to cast doubt on your impending relationsituation are the people who think that you're comrades-at-arms. These people typically picked up their "significant others" at some point between first and second semester of senior year (of college, not high school) and now view themselves as the gurus of long distance love.
(And don't even try to tell me that you don't know this couple. This is the couple that declared their love for one another in an excessively public manner way. too. fucking. soon. And then spent the next three months offering "advice" to couples who have been together since before they drunkenly hooked up.)
Here's a sample conversation you can expect to encounter:
Bimbo: So do you and your boyf have a plan?
Me: Pardon?
Bimbo: Because well, me and Bimbette have our relationship sustainability plan all figured out. We're going to communicate via text message three times daily, with a nightly phone call and a twice weekly skype sex sesh, then, we've agreed to visit each other - on an alternating schedule - once every three weekends and I'm already looking for jobs where she lives and she signed the lease on an apartment big enough for both of us and our three pet orchids.
Me: Well then. I need a drink.
It's a brave new world, kidderoonies!
Good thing I have a readerless blog to entertain.
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